I Know What You Did Last Summer

The title of the classic thriller has had a straightforward answer for the second year running: sweltering from the heat (if you ask Europeans); sweltering from the heat, rocket attacks, and disposing of Russian occupiers (if you ask Ukrainians). An abnormal heatwave has been tormenting Europe and Asia for the second year, as if hinting to people that "something is wrong with your world." But let the natural anomalies and omens be dealt with by experts - meteorologists and prophets - for us, it is more important here and now to figure out how not to ruin the summer and where exactly to escape the scorching sun. And where it is better not to venture.

According to meteorologists, since the beginning of July, Ukraine has been at the epicentre of a temperature anomaly. Temperatures exceed the norm by 12 degrees. Despite the war, urban beaches in major cities such as Kyiv, Dnipro, and Odesa have become tourist honeypots in terms of the number of people per square metre. They are reminiscent of scenes from the post-apocalyptic classic "On the Beach," where, in anticipation of radioactive clouds crawling across the sky, Australians let loose, including engaging in active recreation on the shores of rivers and the ocean.

However, the European tourist season of 2024 is under threat - daytime temperatures reaching up to 50 degrees Celsius are turning popular European summer resorts into the Sahara - in terms of comfort levels and the number of tourists per square kilometre. Packed fashionable beaches are visibly emptying, promenades along the Mediterranean coastline are not teeming with crowds of visitors, and the top party clubs are sadly revolving their strobe lights over deserted dance floors.

Nevertheless, tourism is tourism, but turning into a burnt-out husk for your own money is not a very appealing prospect. Therefore, to avoid completely spoiling your holiday, first compile a blacklist of countries and destinations to avoid.

At the top of the list is India. No matter how much you are drawn to raves in Goa or enlightened sages in the ashrams of Rishikesh, it is better to forgo a trip to India for now. A record temperature of 50 degrees Celsius was reached there as early as spring, and according to the most conservative estimates, about 25,000 people suffered from heatstroke. Schools in Indian cities are closing, and volunteers from the conservation organisation Wildlife SOS are evacuating animals from the Delhi Zoo.

Also, avoid travelling to Central America - Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, El Salvador, and Panama. And forget about Northern Cyprus this summer - it's unfortunately only "Northern" in name.

If you are an extreme tourist who likes to vacation in socially unstable regions and countries under tyrannies and dictatorships, it's still better to heed the forecasts of meteorologists predicting record high temperatures in Kuwait and Iraq and return your tickets. If you really want to tickle your nerves, go to Belarus. There, too, is Lukashenko's dictatorship in senile decline, secret police control, KGB agents at every step, as well as Russian tactical nuclear weapons and possible preparations for an invasion of Poland or the Baltic states. But at least it’s not as hot as in Iraq.

Unfortunately, the heat affects not only countries with dictatorial regimes but also quite peaceful and attractive vacation spots. For example, Greece, especially the island of Rhodes. Last year, the resort season was ruined by wildfires. The Rhodes authorities offered free holidays on the island in 2024 to those affected by the disaster. But it seems this year there will not be an influx of vacationers either - firstly, due to the heat, and secondly, due to a recent earthquake that shook Rhodes significantly. Meanwhile, on the Spanish island of Menorca, tourists are suffering from both the heat and heavy rains that are drenching the resort’s beaches.

So, where should you go?

Firstly, northern Europe - in the Scandinavian countries, even during a raging temperature apocalypse, it is much cooler. Sweden, Norway, Denmark, as well as Finland and the Baltic states, will cool down an overheated European to a Nordic state. And if you choose countries in this direction with even a slight political bias, then, of course, you should go to Lithuania or Estonia - also to financially support the small but proud European countries that the insatiable Russian dictator Putin has set his sights on.

Or, for example, Iceland - if you are not deterred by the price (tours to Iceland are not cheap), you can safely book tickets. Glacial lagoons, waterfalls, national parks with views of glacier-covered mountain peaks, fantastic cliffs, geysers, comical puffins, and the multicoloured rocky valley of Landmannalaugar - this is a very unusual and picturesque country, where a holiday will be remembered for a long time.

Northern Canada, as well as islands like Newfoundland - the journey is not close, but it’s worth the effort. For example, in St. John's, it is now +18-22 degrees Celsius, and a holiday on the beaches of the North Atlantic will certainly not cause heatstroke. Also, if you're lucky, you can see real whales, sharks, and orcas there.

In the European antipodes, the Australians, it's winter now, and in Sydney, the temperature does not rise above 15-17 degrees. It's far away, but escaping the heat is a great reason to visit the homeland of Mad Max and Furiosa.

High-altitude ski resorts - why not! The Alps, the Tatras, and even the Ukrainian Carpathians - snow may not be found everywhere, but if you climb higher, the fresh and cool mountain air and cold mountain rivers even in summer will definitely cool your boiling head.

In general, decide quickly, or the heat will subside, and there will again be urgent matters for which an exciting trip can be postponed.